The Lost Art of Parenting

Intensive Workshops at SRA

2012-01-18T13:12:00.000-08:00

Spring Ridge Academy is proud to announce the addition of Therapeutic Intensive Workshops. These workshops are designed by our therapeutic team to enhance the sophisticated therapeutic techniques already utilized at Spring Ridge Academy. Workshops will be facilitated by therapists and incorporate various modalities including: art, body movement, dance, psychodrama, experiential initiatives, and team building. These workshops are three days in duration and focus on five specific areas:

Anxiety and Depression-This workshop focuses on relief of physiological and emotional symptoms common with anxiety and depression, as well as strategies reducing underlying causes of anxiety and depression.
Chemical Dependency- This workshop focuses on educating students about the impact and effect of substance abuse, develops skills for relapse prevention, and increases understanding of underlying issues that make substance abuse an acceptable coping skill.
Relationships and Sexuality- This workshop examines aspects of romantic and sexual relationships and has a focus on developing boundaries, self respect, values, and self esteem.
Trauma- This intensive is aimed at reducing triggers and mitigating the emotional impact of traumatic events from the past.
Body Image- This workshop enhances our students’ acceptance and appreciation of their body. It also explores the impact of negative media stereotypes and other unrealistic expectations of the “perfect body”.

We feel these workshops will allow students to immerse in a specific subject, and improve their development of coping strategies and resources. All five workshops will be given four times a year during academic breaks. Students will attend workshops on the various topics throughout their stay at Spring Ridge Academy.

Happy 15th Birthday, SRA!

2012-01-04T19:11:00.000-08:00

This is a very exciting time at Spring Ridge Academy. On Thursday, January 5, we celebrate 15 years since Jeannie Courtney opened Spring Ridge Academy. Jeannie had a dream to build a college prep, therapeutic school for girls to create confidant young women. When she shared her idea of creating an all girls therapeutic boarding school - people told her it would "never work," but this only gave her more drive to move ahead - and she succeeded.

We are very proud of Jeannie and the entire team at SRA, as well as, the students who have made it a success.

For Jeannie’s dedication, she has been nominated for MASK’s Unity Award. The Unity Award recognizes mothers making a difference in the world and their communities. Please vote for Jeannie. And, remember to vote everyday until February 1.

Spring Ridge Academy thanks you and your families for your continued support.

We wish you a happy new year - and a happy birthday to SRA!

Happy New Year!

2011-12-30T16:05:00.001-08:00

Spring Ridge Academy wishes you and your family a Healthy and Happy New Year!

Pay It Forward

2011-12-05T08:22:00.000-08:00

Written by SRA Student

On 11/17/11 ( a Thursday) I was called into a room with 9 other girls. We were then told that in less than five days (the coming Monday) we needed to be prepared to dance, sing, and speak at an assembly that would be honoring Les and Virginia Kyllo, the couple who sold Jeannie Courtney the property that would become SRA. Les had recently passed away, so Virginia would be attending without him, but many of her family members would be coming to celebrate her and her huge heart. Once we had been given the assignment, we got to work. We were all incredibly excited and honored that we had been chosen and trusted to accomplish the task. Within the next few days I wrote and practiced a song with another student, practiced reading a letter I wanted to share, and learned a dance two of the other girls had choreographed. Every girl in the group worked hard to make the ceremony as special as possible. By the time Monday rolled around we all felt prepared and excited. The assembly went by without a hitch. There were so many people who stood up to thank Virginia, but she would not let herself be the only one recognized. She talked about Jeannie and how much she had done for us girls. I’m incredibly thankful to have been a part of the assembly, but even more so, I’m thankful to have met Virginia Kyllo, who is truly a giving person.

What is Spring Ridge Academy? Check out our video...

2011-11-28T12:27:00.000-08:00

SRA parents and staff talk about the Spring Ridge Academy experience. Check out our video!

Office of Behavioral Health

2011-11-14T15:16:00.000-08:00

We are proud to share some news with you. The Office of Behavioral Health Licensing visited Spring Ridge Academy on Monday, October 31, 2011 for their annual inspection and cited zero issues or problems within the SRA program. This ‘clean’ inspection means that OBHL will not be inspecting SRA next year at all.

The inspector who is assigned to SRA was asked by his supervisor if he knew of an exemplary Therapeutic Boarding School that she might visit as an example of how such a program should be conducted and he chose Spring Ridge Academy.

We are very proud of our ‘clean’ inspection and look forward to a continued positive relationship with our regulator.

Gary Hees MA, LPC
Clinical Director

Sleepy Teens

2011-10-31T09:02:00.000-07:00

A recent article on USNews.Com discussed how sleep effects teens behaviors. Based on a new Centers for Disease Control study, teens who sleep less are more likely to lead "risky lives." The study found "teens ages 14 to 18 who get fewer than eight hours of sleep on school nights (70 % of US high school students) may be more likely to engage in risky behaviors" including using drugs, drink alcohol, cigarette use, as well as an increase in depression.

The study's lead author, Lela McKnight-Eily, PhD, states that "changes in the brain's chemistry that occurs during puberty causes the body's internal clock, or circadian rhythm, to be knocked off track, causing irregular sleep patterns in many teens." Therefore, teens want to stay up late, however, it is the parents responsibility to make clear expectations regarding evening routines and curfews. One of the biggest struggles in today's society is the difficulty parents have setting boundaries with teens around the use of electronics ie: television, cell phones, computers, etc. Teens stay awake for hours surfing the internet instead of getting the rest the body needs. Dr. McKnight-Eily says "that being up late surfing the Internet or watching TV when trying to fall asleep can cause restless nights."

It is essential to help keep children healthy including ensuring they are getting enough sleep. Parents need to set limits at home including setting a time when electronics are shut down so teens the sleep their bodies need.

Great Book for Parents

2011-10-24T13:36:00.000-07:00

Spring Ridge Academy will be attending the IECA (Independent Educational Consultant Association) conference on November 9-12, 2012 in Dallas, Texas. We are very excited that Leonard Sax, MD, PhD, the author of, Girls on The Edge, will be speaking at the conference. Jeannie Courtney, CEO/Founder of SRA has been recommending this book to all parents at SRA (and parents she meets at the grocery store.) I have heard her say, "this is a must read." We look forward to hearing Dr. Sax speak at the conference.

Girls On The Edge is a groundbreaking book taking a look at young women in America. In the book, Dr. Sax addresses the four factors that are threatening the mental and physical health of young women today: a culture that sexualizes young girls; the “cyberbubble” of social networking and electronic communication; obsessive behaviors, including eating disorders; and environmental toxins that interfere with the endocrine system and lead to early-onset puberty. You can watch Dr. Sax talk about Girls On The Edge in this interview.

For more information on Dr. Sax or to order the book go to his web site.

Teens and Driving

2011-10-01T09:06:00.000-07:00

The number of teens driving while talking on a cell phone or texting is very scary. A USA Today article stated, “Nearly nine in 10 teenage drivers have engaged in distracted-driving behaviors such as texting or talking on a cellphone although most of them know that their actions increase their risk of crashing, a new survey finds.” These are frightening statistics.

It is imperative to set boundaries around driving. MASK (Mothers Awareness on School-aged Kids, an organization dedicated to educating both parents and children about the issues facing our youth today) created a Parent/Teen Driving Contract. It is the parents responsibility to clearly state safe driving expectations. The contract addresses texting and talking on a cell phone, but also addresses taking care of the car, following traffic laws, emotions (driving while angry), as well as other important safety concerns. An important statement in the MASK Driving Contract states, driving “is also a privilege granted to me by my parents, who are under no obligation to do so, and who may withdraw the privilege at any time.” To download the Parent/Teen Driving Contract, visit the MASK web site.

Art of Recovery

2011-09-27T16:09:00.000-07:00

On Saturday, September 24, 2011, Spring Ridge Academy had the opportunity to exhibit at the Art of Recovery Expo in Phoenix, Arizona. The Expo is a celebration of recovery. The event was free to the public and about 5000 people attended throughout the day. The full day of events included education and solutions for addictions and behavioral health. Paul Williams and Melissa Gilbert were speakers at the Expo. Spring Ridge's own Gary Hees, Clinical Director, participated on a panel discussion. For more information on the Expo check out the web site at www.artofrecoveryexpo.com.

SRA Therapeutic Caseload Groups

2011-08-29T15:24:00.000-07:00

The student population at Spring Ridge Academy is divided into caseload groups that are headed by a single Therapist. Each Caseload group lives together in the same dorm, participates together in various activities and develops close bonds with their fellow caseload members. The caseload groups were asked to submit some thoughts about how they viewed being a member of their caseload. We will be posting the submissions to give our readers a glimpse into the dynamics of the caseload groups.

SRA Reporter

I think that it’s really incredible having a small group of girls that you live with and that know you extremely well. You know that your roommates won’t let you get away with old patterns and that they care when they’re calling you out. I don’t know if I would have come this far without my caseload standing behind me and supporting me every step of the way. The Nancinaters caseload rocks!

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Todd’scaseload is the most direct group I’ve ever been in. These girls can read youlike a book because they’ve all been there too. We’re all creative and caringand different so you never know what’s going to happen or what will comeout of your time with the amazing girls and our great therapist, but you alwaysknow it’ll be helpful and inspiring. I couldn’t ask for a better set of youngwomen to live with, share with, and grow with. Go TCL!

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I’m inJanet’s caseload, and I’m so grateful for being a part of it. I know each andevery student on a different level, and all of them can relate to me on onesubject or another. I love spending time with the caseload, in fact I’m usuallyfound spending most of my time with them. They all are incredibly supportiveand are there when you need them. I love J-dawg’s caseload!
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Kim’scaseload is the most supportive and loving group of people that I’ve everknown. I have a trusting bond with the other girls and my therapist. We holdeach other up and don’t let each other slide by with anything less than ourbest. Some of my best friends on this campus are the ones in my caseloadbecause they know everything about me. We know when to be serious and when toget crazy and have a great time. I couldn’t ask for a better bunch of girls tobe around. They’ll always have a special place in my heart. I LOVE KIM’SCASELOAD!
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SRA Girls Run a 5K

2011-08-29T14:04:00.000-07:00

The SRA Cross Country Team ran in a recent 5K in Flagstaff. Following are comments from some of the participants.

SRA Reporter

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Participant #1

August 13^th 2011 I ran my first race, a 5k in flagstaff. All of my life I’ve said I was going to do things and challenge myself, then always back out at last minute or give up. Honestly I was planning on dropping out of the race the night before or right before the race started and make up some lame excuse. While I was in a battle with myself if I should give up or go do it, and make myself proud. Giving up would have been much easier then running a 5k uphill, and with the lungs of smoking for 5 years before SRA. When it came down to it I loved running it let me get out my physical emotion in a healthy way which is a huge change from when I was at home. The drive to flagstaff pumped me up, but also I was nervous because I was afraid I’d give up in the middle and not finish, but when the race guy said 3 minutes, it all was so very real, at that exact moment when I took off running with one of my best friends, I found myself feeling so strong in my sobriety, and realizing I can change my life and do good for myself, at that moment I made the decision I would not give up, and I would do this even if it took 24 hours, because for the first time in my life I was going to accomplish something by myself. During the 5k running in the woods, with someone I trusted with my life, I felt at peace, which has only happened a couple times, and I realized when things get hard I need to trust myself that I can do something and complete it and be at peace. Let me tell you I ran that race in 21 minutes and 38 seconds. Running across the finishing line was so empowering I ran as fast as I could the last block of the race, and I knew that what I had accomplished was something I could do again, and that this was only the beginning. This has encouraged me to run more race’s and continue to improve for myself and always do my best because of the reward I get at the end, which is peace and happiness even if its for 5 minutes.

-SRA student. 2011

Puppies and Parenting

2011-08-25T09:12:00.000-07:00

For the first time in nine years, I have adopted a new puppy. Once I knew the date of arrival, I immediately jumped into reading books and watching DVDs on how to raise a puppy the “right” way. It all seemed so easy in the research phase.

The day arrived and I became the proud owner of an adorable nine-week-old puppy. As we began our training, I noticed how working with a puppy was really an adventure in proactive parenting. The puppy needed to become a productive, socialized and happy dog, very parallel to the environment and guidance a child needs to become an actualized adult.

From the beginning I realized that I would have to change my life. Tess, my new puppy, required a structure that supported her age-appropriate abilities and developmental requirements. She looked to me to teach her safety, boundaries, socially appropriate behavior, and how to delay gratification.

What quickly evolved was a correlation between when Tess made mistakes (chewing all of the cords on the back of my computer) and when I was distracted. Unfortunately many well-meaning people would not follow my instructions to assist Tess in learning self-regulation. Their need to hold this adorable puppy became more important than setting limits by stopping her from biting or by asking her to sit before being petted.

Included in my research were fascinating experiences and information from Cesar Millan, the Dog Whisperer. I remember one of Cesar Millan’s most poignant episodes when a dog was removed from its home and placed in Cesar’s facility. Cesar diligently and successfully stopped the dog from attacking other dogs. Interestingly, each time the owner came to visit, the dog again began to attack. Cesar was willing to swap one of his dogs for hers. The owner realized the importance of the change she needed to make and the dog was returned to her home.

At Spring Ridge Academy, we teach parents the importance of structure, consistency, respect, and boundaries in the home environment. Parents are taught the stages of development and how to achieve effective long-term parenting, open lines of communication, and family connection. We find that adolescents who have mastered these stages are better able to exhibit self-regulation, self-trust, delayed gratification, interdependent relationships, and success in the “real world.”

The transfer from a recovery environment back into the home or other transitional environment is similar to my puppy’s move from breeder to my home. The transitional environment needs to have established structure, nurture, boundaries, patience, understanding and information necessary to support a successful outcome. Not a day goes by that a dog is either let go or put into the Humane Society because someone expected the dog to know how to redirect his own unmanageable behaviors. Structure and boundaries save dogs and kids.

Two months later Tess has doubled in size and I have a dog that is learning to adjust to our home life and to socialize well with humans and dogs. We all had to change: Tess, Dudley (my 9-year old dog), and most importantly, me.

Jeannie Courtney

Challenge Workshop

2011-08-24T10:33:00.000-07:00

Over 30 students either attended or staffed the Challenge workshop at the beginning of August. Challenge provides the opportunity to uncover and challenge self-limiting and self-defeating beliefs, attitudes, feelings and behaviors and begin to replace these patterns with proactive choices. Over the next week we are posting some of the comments made by our students after completing Challenge.

SRA Reporter

The following contributions are from the experiences of students and staffers that attended Challenge.

I learned a lot from connecting again with my magical child. I really felt more in touch with myself when I looked into her eyes and accepted what a precious, innocent and compassionate person I am at heart. Affirming myself in that moment brightened my spirits. I learned that whenever I’m struggling or having a pretty low energy day, getting in touch with my magical child is an amazing tool to turn around any day. Looking back, I’m realizing and even feeling how safe and comfortable and at peace I felt being with my magical child. I was there for part of the staffing and I got a lot out of the magical child activity.

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The most important thing that I learned while staffing was that getting help doesn’t mean that I am incapable; it simply means that I am comfortable enough with myself to ask for assistance.

I also realized that affection and connection is different than trust. I have been implementing boundaries in each aspect but aspect, but they mean different things to me.

When searching for my magical child this time, I actually had a deeper connection with her than the previous time around.

Hearing the dot feedback was so meaningful to me. I knew that I had made great steps, but what I hadn’t realized was how great of a positive impact (“giving impact”) on this community. I have greatly changed since Challenge and this has not only greatly assisted me inside, but outside this staffing training as well. I also acknowledge the amount of insight, care and honesty I brought into this training.

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In Challenge, I learned that even though on the outside I look fine, I’m hurting on the inside. I learned that it is okay to show my feelings and I’m not judged when I cry. I learned that I still have that child I once was in me and can bring her back whenever I need to. I learned that I shut myself out from people because I’m worried about being judged. The most difficult thing for me is to hear all this feedback and not know where to begin.

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I got a lot out of this training. I learned so much about myself, especially my enmeshment and how my self-limiting beliefs affect the way I think about myself. I also learned that there are many people that give feedback from a caring place. I also learned that I have more work and more practice to do and that I need to keep learning how to love and trust myself.

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As a Staffer, I learned that there is still a lot of control that I have to let go of. I have realized that when a girl has a troublesome past, I feel the need to jump in a rescue her. I have also learned that I care so much about people, and people really do care about me. I was told that I’m the definition of a “true friend” and that I have had an impact on her life. I learned that I can be a good leader. I’ve also realized how much I’ve changed while being at SRA.

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I learned so many things about myself in Challenge. Challenge was well put together and beautifully done. I thought it was well prepared and inspirational.

I came to the realization that I rightly deserve to be forgiven – by myself. I deserve to have the shame lifted off of me and the blame I place on myself o dissolve completely. I am worthy. I am deserving.

I also got an overwhelming feeling of love for myself. Now I know what it truly feels like to love myself and truly mean it. It was uplifting, cleansing and gave me hope.

I connected with my authentic self/magical child. I felt the warmth of really revisiting what it’s like to be my true self. I can now identify myself with the little girl I used to be and embrace the feeling of a clean slate. I feel pure again.

I learned that I have a choice. I have a choice t be happy, sad, angry, frustrated…. EVERYTHING is my choice.

I shouldn’t worry about how others see me. I am incredible without anyone telling me so. I don’t need anyone’s validation. I can supply that to myself. Giving myself affirmations will do a lot for me.

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I learned tore-love myself.

I learned toforgive myself.

I learnedthat I sabotage myself so that I have a reason for people leaving me and mylife being miserable. It gives me“control” of the situation, I thought. It almost comforts me because I know when things will end or people willleave me.

I learned tostop taking the things that Vincent did to me personally, because he does it toall of his girlfriends. If I want him out of my life completely than I cannotallow what he has done to me to control my thoughts and feelings.

I learnedthat I am NOT fat AT ALL.

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What I learned from Challenge is that a lot of people havemasks.

I am able to have good emotional connections with the girlshere.

It is possible to rebound from bad situations.

Trust isn’t about liking someone.

Going outside of your nine dots helps you take risks.

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I selfsabotage. I’m so afraid of the future and change (even if it’s a good change)that I resort back to old patterns so that the change does not happen.

I run awayfrom things because I like to take the easy way out and am so afraid to faceproblems that come up or that I create, I immediately run to try and protectmyself.

I have apowerful voice. People want to listen to me when I have something positive andinsightful to say, because they trust my word.

I am anamazing leader. I can lead greatdiscussions that have meaning. I set agood example, and I set the path for people to choose to be open, honest andthemselves.

I am worth itand I am capable. I can do great thingsin my life when I actually put my mind in a positive thinking mode. I am worth it to stay in treatment and havepeople support me the whole way through.

I truly wantto be sober. Doing drugs and drinkingcan lead to life of sadness, guilt, pain, regret, anger, etc. I want to live a life where I’m not held downby the limitations of my addictions. Iwant to have meaningful relationships that are not based on drugs or alcohol.

I amstrong. Even when I thought I had hitrock bottom at SRA, a part of me (my functional) kept me going and didn’t letmyself give it all up because I refuse to let something get me down. Well, it did get me down, but I didn’ttotally run away and give in to my old self.
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Challenge wasone of the most powerful, inspirational and liberating workshops I’ve evergotten to be a part of. For almost threeyears I thought all of my negative feelings and resentments were gone and thatmy “grungies” were just a common, healthy way of expressing my emotions. I was so wrong.

Challengeopened my eyes to realizing how much anger, hurt and fear I still had toward myfamily. Bringing all those emotions upagain made me cry so hard that I couldn’t recall the last time I cried likethat. And for once, I was okay withit. It didn’t make me feel weak. I knew I wasn’t pathetic. I just felt great.

The cryingwas like a little drain that washed away so much of the shame and guilt Icarried around with me. It also made meunderstand that I was looking for approval and confirmation of who I was. I didn’t need anyone’s opinion to tell mewhat kind of person I am. My magicalchild told me. It reminded me that asweet, care free ad innocent girl was still there. It brought back all the love, happiness andcompassion I felt in my younger years. Challenge was almost like a refreshing of me. I needed to throw away all my anger, hurt andresentment to learn to forgive others, but especially myself.

I learned howto come out of my nine dots and challenge any of my self limiting beliefs thatwere holding me back. The entire programwas such a learning experience about life, but also about myself. I never understood my thinking behind many ofthe choices I made until this training. It helped me forgive myself in the sense that all the decisions I choseto make were normal. Challenge reallybegan to expose myself and others to the other 90% of my iceberg. I realized my “mask” wasn’t fooling anyoneelse but me. I finally feel like I canbegin to express my genuine emotions without feeling like I am beingjudged. The program made me feel reallyclose with my other trainees and that I could finally just show everything Iwas feeling. It was truly genuine.

I can’t beginto thank everyone who was a part of Challenge enough. It really helped me put things intoperspective and I realized how much love for myself and others I still haveinside me. If I could go through theprogram every day I would. Thank you foreverything.

My Spring Ridge Academy Experience

2011-08-18T12:54:00.000-07:00

Disrespect, parties, promiscuity, lies and defiance is what my life consisted of for a year and a half until March 3rd, 2009. Some people ask why and my response is always the same. Underneath my tough girl front, I felt lonely, fear, rage and worthlessness and unfortunately I made the decision to avoid dealing with my pain instead of asking for help. Then, I was given the blessing to change my whole life around in a place where I felt safe, supported and understood. I was thirteen when my parents placed me in a therapeutic boarding school called Spring Ridge Academy in Spring Valley, Arizona. Because of SRA I have learned more about myself than ever before, so despite my struggles, it was a risk I do not regret.

My first few months at Spring Ridge Academy, I was less then cooperative, respectful and motivated. At first, I would not even admit I had a problem. I was stubborn and I cringed at the thought of someone else being “right”. I was convinced I could do things “my way”. When I finally swallowed my pride and quietly accepted that I needed help I still did not understand the seriousness of my lifestyle. I knew that I wanted to be happy again, and at the same time, I was gravely mistaken as to how much work turning your life around actually is. It wasn’t until October of 2009 I sincerely made the decision to change. The second week of October my parents came to see me from California. Because of the stage I was in in the program I was able to spend a weekend off campus with them, which based on results, I was not ready to do. I ended up running away and setting back my progress even further. It is by far, one of the scariest things I have ever experienced. I had no idea where I was, I was afraid of the setting sun and the cold weather, and most importantly I felt, and was more alone than I had ever been before. I had hit rock bottom.

The real beginning of my recovery was also less than pleasant. I was learning the hard way that facing your demons is painful, time consuming and sometimes embarrassing. But, one of the things that kept going when I was sure I was going to give up is a short quote. I would repeat the words over and over in my head, amazed by its simplicity. It goes like this “When you’re going through hell, keep going. Giving up is not going to make hell any more enjoyable.” It was helpful because it gave me two options, neither were ideal, but at least one would save my life.
Gradually I became more confident, happy and accepting. I developed confidence in my looks, personality and beliefs which led to me to feel actual happiness, not just short term satisfaction. I had started accepting who I was. Finally I wasn’t trying to be anyone or anything else because I knew that I was okay just the way I was. I say “started accepting” for two reasons. The first is because I have my off days. I don’t feel confident and self-assured every day and I do not always make that best decisions. The second reason is because my life is not over! I have much more to learn and create for myself and chances are I will need to accept that too.

Hopefully, a therapeutic boarding school won’t need to be in everyone’s paths but it has been in mine and I am proud of it. Spring Ridge Academy was my home for twenty long months and it taught me to be able to embrace the destructive choices I’ve made and learn from them. Now I understand I do not need to be ashamed of the past nor stay stuck in the past and I can thank SRA and my parents for that. Regardless of the struggles and pain I had to face there I would not have done it any other way.

I wrote this essay in my career life class because we had to do an example of college essay that you write to get in. I got an A! I think it is pretty good myself.

New Parent Letter

2011-08-15T09:10:00.000-07:00

August 10, 2011

Dear SRA Parents,

We have just begun our fall semester at SRA. Over the last few months we have been reviewing and revising our program to better serve our students and families. In essence we have looked at what is working and what could be working better.

We have revised our phase guidelines and requirements to enhance our strong focus on the mastery of skill development in the following areas: emotional self-regulation, academic excellence, interpersonal relationships, physical wellness and family interface. Monthly updates will be in the phase sheet format.

Each phase has a clear purpose and delineated skills that develop from introduction to consistency to mastery. Our new phase sheets are posted on the Spring Ridge Academy website in Downloadable Documents as Phase Guidelines. Please take the time to acquaint yourself with these skills and requirements. It is important that you have a thorough knowledge of what is expected since you are a key component in your daughter integrating these skills into her life, family life and the community at large.

We are implementing the following changes:

Phase I / Orientation

Phase I is a four-week orientation and introduction. The purpose of orientation is to have students understand Spring Ridge Academy structure and philosophy, to develop emotional, physical, academic and interpersonal skills, and to assess the student and create a plan of action.
New elements to Orientation Phase:

1. Orientation Group held 5 – 6 times a week with a Community Life Director to assist in skill development and program structure
2. Meeting with Academic Advisor to insure any IEP and/or learning differences are being integrated.
3. Building relationships with all areas of SRA community.
4. Revision to our school uniform policy to eliminate phases by color.
6. More opportunities for off campus activities and service.
7. At the completion of the four-week phase, the small treatment team will determine the skill group placement, the academic strategy for Phase II, the suggestions for family interface and visits, and the therapeutic treatment plan.

Phase II / Consistency

The purpose of Phase II is to experience self-acceptance, trust, growth of self-regulation and delayed gratification, development of problem solving skills, and consistency in creating self-enhancing beliefs, emotions, and behaviors.

Phase III / Integration

The purpose of Phase III is to create consistency in skill development, to effectively integrate the skills practiced at Spring Ridge Academy into the home environment, and to enhance communication and connection in the family.

Students on Phase III may now dress in their own clothes in compliance with dress code or wear their uniform. We want our Phase III students to learn to practice appropriate dress in a variety of situations.

Phase IV / Transition

The purpose of Phase IV is to create mastery in skill development both on campus and at home and to create and implement a transition plan for the home environment and/or transition community.

Other changes at Spring Ridge Academy include:

1. We have revised family visit guidelines and assignments sheet. These documents may be viewed on our website. Your treatment team will acquaint you with the family phase expectations for visits including creating structure, ground rules, assignments, and resources for each family to support student specific treatment plans.

2. Our small treatment teams have expanded to include our Community Mentors. Treatment teams include a therapist, two academic advisors, a Community Life Director, and assigned Community Mentors. We are excited to incorporate Community Mentors into our treatment teams. All of our Community Mentor schedules have been adjusted to provide more time to exchange information, interact with students and attend treatment team meetings.

3. Spring Ridge Academy therapists will begin using EMDR, eye movement desensitization and reprocessing, with appropriate students and parental consent. This methodology is highly regarded in the treatment of trauma and is a wonderful tool fitting in with the general philosophy of Spring Ridge Academy.

4. At times our students complete their high school requirements prior to completion of the SRA therapeutic component. These students continue their academic path by addressing academic areas of need, holding leadership roles in classes, and taking collegiate level correspondence course work. Additionally, these students will participate in more off-campus service work, immersive off-campus activities to enhance age specific skills and experiences, and thorough transition skills.

5. Academic breaks will be a combination of family time and emotional growth / therapeutic activities. Our large academic breaks will be broken into visit specific family time and on-campus emotional growth activities. For example, four academic break days may be designated for a student workshop while the other days will be designated as phase-specific family time. Phase IV students will continue to spend the duration of breaks off campus.

One of the changes we have not made at SRA is our nutritional guidelines. Each year we meet with our dietitian and she reviews our menus and recipes and makes suggestions for improvement in nutritional balance and portions. This year we once again received excellent marks in these areas. Her only suggestion was consistency in portion control.

If you have any questions about these program adjustments, please contact a member of your treatment team, the Parent Liaison Suzie Courtney, or Jeannie Courtney.

Warm regards,

Jeannie Courtney and the SRA staff

A Great Day!

2011-08-03T07:00:00.000-07:00

Friday, July 29 was a great day at Spring Ridge Academy! It was graduation day. As the students walk in the room with their cap and gowns, and their parents watch with pride - it is like any other high school on graduation day. What is hard to believe, is many of these girls and their families never thought this day would happen. When they came to SRA, it was their last hope. The ceremony continued with speeches from the students and family members. As tears flowed, many people spoke of gratitude for SRA staff, as well as, for their own family members for their continuous support. Students and family members spoke about the hard work they did to restore their family system; and they talked about continuing the journey. One student spoke about the love she has for her peers and recognizing that she will never have friendships like the ones she developed at SRA; and her appreciation for sharing this experience together.

The room was filled with love and support. Not only were family members, friends, students in the audience, but former students and former employees returned to SRA on a hot, Friday morning to share in the special day. When students arrive at SRA they become part of family; and when they leave the campus the family stays with them. After lunch, it was time to say good-bye to the SRA campus. Students hugging their peers with tears rolling down their faces say good-bye for now. But, they will always have a place in the Spring Ridge Academy family.

School Already?

2011-07-27T08:25:00.000-07:00

By Jeannie Courtney, CEO/Founder, Spring Ridge Academy

As I stand at the check out at the grocery store, I hear a young boy say to his mother, "I do not want school to start," as she puts juice boxes and sandwich bread in her cart. Going back to school is often a difficult transition for kids as they have enjoyed a summer of freedom which often includes staying up late, lazy days and fun. Kids are not looking forward to going to bed early, alarm clocks, homework and school rules.

So, how can we help kids transition back to school successfully?

One week before school starts, begin going to bed early and setting the alarm clock at the usual school time. This helps to acclimate to the new school schedule.

Begin reading daily to reestablish study schedules. Flash cards or math facts can be fun, too.

If your child is starting a new school, be sure to visit the school prior to the first day. This will ease some fear regarding a new environment. In addition, you may want to arrange a "play date" with kids from the class before the school year begins.

It is important for parents to recognize that children often have anxiety about the new school year, be sure to talk to your child about their anxiety and fears. Parents need to be supportive and optimistic about the new year.

Review the school day with your child so they are prepared for the school routine.

Parents should plan to be available for your kids during the first week of school as this can be a difficult time. If possible, put off late night meetings or business trips.

While school may not start for few weeks, remember preparing your child for school starts now.

The Use of Post-Induction Therapy for Resolution of Trauma

2011-07-20T13:47:00.000-07:00

By Gary D. Hees MA, LPC, Clinical Director, Spring Ridge Academy

One of the most tragic trends in our culture is the rising number of physical assaults, sexual assaults, rape and other trauma perpetrated against young women. The fear and shame carried by the victims of these horrific acts, added to the confusing and downright scary reality of PTSD symptomology, leaves these women a legacy of anxiety, undeserved guilt and fear that negatively colors their life experience. Fortunately, there is an effective methodology for dealing with the aftermath, formulated by Pia Mellody. It is called Post-Induction Therapy (PIT), sometimes called feelings reduction, and is the method we use at Spring Ridge Academy to facilitate the empowerment and healing of our clients who have suffered physical abuse, sexual abuse, rape and other trauma, including emotional and relational trauma suffered in their family of origin.

The basis of the PIT intervention is the concept of carried fear, shame and other feelings. No person would ever rape another if they were feeling their own appropriate level of fear and shame; fear of the consequences and shame for inflicting themselves upon another and harming that human being. Given that fear and shame are not being felt by the perpetrator, who is feeling those feelings? The victim, of course! We know this from the statements made by many of the victims that “I should have fought harder”, “I could have avoided the situation”, or the many variations of “I should have…” The PIT intervention allows the victim the “give back” those feelings of fear and shame and guilt that they carry FOR the perpetrator.

Depression, Addiction and Relationships, A New Study looks at impact for Women and Families

2011-02-22T14:53:00.001-08:00

A new study from the University of Michigan illustrates the role relationships play in worsening depression and addiction for women. The article summarizing the findings from the study reports several interesting results. These results have a significant impact on families considering treatment. It finds that unlike other disorders, including anti-social personality disorder, depression in addiction-prone women does not improve over time, it actually worsens. This is particularly important for families considering treatment because it helps answer the question "will she just grow out of it?" When it comes to addiction and depression the answer according to this study, is no. Among the other results and the influencing factors the study finds:

1. The women’s partners’ struggles with addiction and antisocial behavior, such as run-ins with the law, worsened the women’s own symptoms and behaviors.

2. Children’s behavior also had a negative impact on their mothers. When children exhibited behaviors that included acting out and getting into trouble, their mothers’ alcohol problems and antisocial behavior tended to worsen. Meanwhile, when children were sad, withdrawn or isolated, their mothers’ depression increased.

These two findings draw direct links to the role relationships play in the mental health of women, and are consistent with the anecdotal information we, at Spring Ridge Academy, have found with our students and families. We have seen many young women make great gains in their maturity and the regulation of moods and addictive behavior, only to see those same students relapse in relationships. These young women with "good intention" (albeit misguided) frequently choose boyfriends that need to be "rescued." Predictably, rescuing fails, and relapse for the young woman ensues, bringing with it mood disregulation and the return of depressive symptoms.

The second finding regarding the impact of children's mood and behaviors on mothers provides further support and incentive for a holistic approach which includes family therapy in any treatment process. Both factors illustrate the importance that relationships play in lives of women. Young women not only treatment that addresses compulsive behavior and depression, they also need a model of healthy relationships. Equally as important is the opportunity to begin to practice forming and maintaining healthy relationships in a safe and progressively challenging environment. The author of the study Anne Buu Ph.D. echoes this point in her assertion that based on these findings treatment interventions “might have the most impact if they improve social supports, educational opportunities, access to family counseling and neighborhoods environments,” Buu says.

I Want To Do It ALL BY MYSELF!

2010-02-12T14:14:00.000-08:00

As the mother of a 2 year old I hear this phrase daily. For my son it is an age appropriate, developmental need to experience autonomy and to discover he is able to solve problems on his own. Unfortunately for adults this desire to solve problems on our own is not always age appropriate, nor does it work in families. Families by definition are systems. Systems require cooperation and communication to function. Operating in isolation can quickly lead to the breakdown of the system. Why is it so difficult to ask for help when we need it the most?

Often it is because we are afraid, embarrassed and ashamed. It seems easier to hide our "faults" and "problems" than to burden others with what we believe we should be able to handle ourselves as parents, professionals and adults. The truth is this belief system simply does not work. It limits and isolates, creates stress and even despair.

Many parents are in this position when they enroll their daughters at Spring Ridge. They feel alone and are grieving the loss of what they had dreamed of for their daughter. Nothing they have tried has worked to stop their daughter's downward spiral. Dealing with these issues is often isolating. The parents of other kids don't understand, extended family members second-guess or appear judgmental and the stress drives many inward.

It is on the heels of these experiences parents arrive at their first SRA workshop, Parent Challenge. Participants are given the space and opportunity to safely share and connect. When that opportunity is acted upon the results can be magical. Participants not only gain insight and build confidence; they create connections, find support and develop what become lifelong friendships. Reaching out for help, while scary, can be a rewarding and even transformative experience. It may not always solve the problem immediately, but it can provide support, connection and hope. Sometimes that is the solution.

Check out what a parent wrote about this process. Adrian Segar has been instrumental in the success of these workshops and in supporting parents. He has a wonderful website, blog and book. Please share your comments on the topic as well!

SRA Parent Immersion Program

2010-02-02T13:21:00.000-08:00

The buzz on the SRA campus and among parents recently seems simply to be about parenting. We spend considerable time talking about and assessing parenting styles. This is helpful in determining what has and has not worked for the parents. However, over the past year SRA parents have been asking for more. More details, more hints, more language and more practice working with their daughters. Our parents are looking for specifics. They need more than encouraging advice to “let go and trust the process”. They want to do the best job they can to set structure in their homes and to be effective, loving and confident parents.

In response we have implemented many new features to our program including workshops, orientation for parents, in the moment coaching on visits and a Parent Liaison to work with parents through their questions and concerns. However, the parent of an SRA student recently raised the bar. In an effort to improve her ability to parent her daughter with a “neutral voice” she spent a week on campus. She spent this week studying our staff, how they interacted with students, responded to questions, dealt with conflicts and moved through normal everyday issues and incidents.

Her conclusion, a concise list of the 4 C’s of parenting. She describes them as follows:
Here it is: the 4 'C's'
Be Clear, [give specific requests or directions]
Be Concise,[don't over-explain or be drawn into discussion]
Be Calm, [don't raise a voice level]
Be Consistent [follow up right away and give natural and logical
consequence, positive or negative]

Another parent added the C of Commitment, because as anyone who has participated on this process knows it takes an unwavering dedication to create change (another C). The language is not always natural or intuitive, but the results are tremendous. A healthy, well boundaried parent contributes to a healthy well-boundaried relationship and ultimately a healthy, well-boundaried daughter. While the parenting manual handed out at birth did not explain this, apparently that is how we get those happy and healthy kids.

Home For The Holidays

2009-12-17T13:15:00.000-08:00

In an ideal world the holiday season is a time to reflect, relax and celebrate with family and friends. Unfortunately, most of us don’t live in this world exclusively. For the rest of us the holiday season may also include airports, malls, family conflicts, stress and excess. Managing the holidays can be a challenge. Add in a family member in treatment, and the holidays take on an extra element of stress and logistical madness. The first step in preparing for a successful and enjoyable holiday visit is setting reasonable expectations. Whether visiting with your daughter on campus, in the area or at home this holiday will likely be different from previous ones in many regards.

Tips for a successful visit:
· Parents set tone and structure. Talk to your daughter and other family members about expectations and structure. Describe what your goal and purpose is for the visit and what that would look like in terms of structure, behavior and attitude. Listen to your daughter and other family member’s input, but do not defer to your daughter to set the structure and rules or to facilitate discussions “because she knows how to do this from being at SRA”. She is still your daughter and you are still the parent.
· Stick with the routine and structure. Visits are the most important times to practice structure in the home and holidays are no exception. Continue to reinforce healthy choices by scheduling consistent wake-up and bedtimes and maintaining daily exercise and physical activity. Visits are not the time to reward your daughter or give her a vacation from structure. She has been successful because of the structure not in spite of it.
· Beware of the sugar and caffeine beasts! Holidays often bring with them colorful and tasty treats. Overindulgence however, can result in a nasty crash in mood and behavior. Students have been maintaining healthy diets with moderate opportunity for sweets. A drastic change in diet and environment can spell disaster. Keep in mind the concept of eating to nourish. This will assist in preventing food from becoming a reward, an appeasement for guilt or as a replacement of other mood altering substances.
· Dealing with Substance abuse issues. Holidays can include parties. Be mindful of family members in recovery when making holiday plans. Often extended family members can be very eager to see their niece, granddaughter etc. Do not let other’s enthusiasm (or pressure) override your daughter’s safety and sobriety. Talk with your daughter about possible encounters and triggers. Prioritize your events and gatherings in alignment with agreed upon structure and purpose for the visit. You do not need to keep your daughter locked in the house but you do need to make choices that support your family structure and purpose.
· Stay on purpose. Gift giving can be a wonderful part of the holidays or… an easy way to slip back into guilt and entitlement. If buying gifts discuss a budget and stick with it. Encourage creative and meaningful gifts that don’t necessarily cost a lot of money.

Giving Thanks

2009-11-25T08:36:00.000-08:00

As we enter the holiday season it seems fitting to discuss gratitude. What will you give thanks for this year? What has been most meaningful or most gratifying? A common theme at Spring Ridge Academy is the idea that what we are often most grateful for is the growth that has arisen out of a difficult or painful situation. SRA parents seem to experience this frequently. The idea that what was a terrifying experience and gut wrenching decision to send their daughter away, resulted in a profound and life-changing opportunity. The process of being a part of SRA allows many parents to detach from their daughter’s emotions, experiences and success and to engage in their own personal development, offering a new way to experience themselves and life.

One of the questions we are asked most frequently at Spring Ridge is what is your success rate? We answer that question in mostly anecdotal terms. The reality is if you ask the parents of students who have completed SRA they will tell you it has been a huge success, 95% plus. However, what is impossible to explain at the beginning of this process is how the definition of success will change as a family moves through the program. By the time a student is completing (or not completing) most parents no longer solely define success in terms of their daughter’s grades, goals and attitude, but also by the parents’ ability to separate themselves from their daughter’s experience, see her choices as just that, her choices, and not as a reflection of them. Parents acknowledge their own success and progress in setting structure, maintaining boundaries and establishing an identity not based exclusively on being a parent or spouse. What begins as a crisis seems to often transform into a gift.

As always, we at SRA are grateful for the trust that is placed in us, the connection we are able to make with caring and committed parents and families and the opportunity we have share in the process of healing, learning and growth. Happy Thanksgiving to all of you, and thank you.

We would like to open this discussion to your thoughts on gratitude. What do you find yourself giving thanks for? Is gratitude a value and practice in your family? If so, how is it practiced? If not how would you like to practice it in your family?

Please feel free to comment and share your experience and wisdom.

Self-Care: Go Ahead I Dare you!

2009-09-25T10:43:00.000-07:00

Many of us growing up were taught to put others first, be a team player and that nothing worthwhile comes easily. This may explain why as adults it can be so difficult to put aside, even temporarily, responsibilities at work and to family in order to take care of ourselves. Many of us are driven to keep up a maddening pace of meetings, errands, events and appointments, trying to keep all the balls in the air. It is no wonder depression, anxiety and obesity have hit epidemic proportions. We are simply not taking care of ourselves. Self-care is the basic ingredient towards a healthy and happy life. It includes everything from diet and fitness to open communication and healthy boundaries. At Spring Ridge Academy we promote the concept of self-care and accountability. If you want your family, relationships and life to work look in the mirror and practice taking care of yourself first. The only one whose happiness you can ensure is your own.

The links below explore various aspects of health and self-care. Use today’s blog as a reminder (or even permission) to do something today that is a healthy choice for you. The only person you owe it to is yourself!

http://www.nytimes.com/2009/08/18/science/18angier.html

http://www.npr.org/templates/story/story.php?storyId=111887591

Mobile Technology: How connected are we?

2009-08-14T15:49:00.000-07:00

We live in an age when we can be more “connected” than ever. Through email, text messages, instant messaging, social networks, online gaming, blogging and mobile technology we have the ability to work from anywhere, stay in contact with anyone and find information on anything. So why is it more and more people are feeling over-whelmed by the pace, expectations and needs of business, family and social life? Is it because as opposed to being more efficient with our time we are simply spreading ourselves even thinner by attempting to work from everywhere, stay in contact with everyone and stay informed on everything?

Online, wireless and mobile technologies have become part of our everyday lives. Our businesses depend on communication technology, family logistics are managed by it and relationships with friends and extended family survive on it. There are wonderful benefits to all of this. However, it can become a 24/7 job just keeping up with what is supposed to simplify our lives, reduce our work load and bring us all closer together. For many of us we are not keeping up. We are losing ground when it comes to creating meaningful and authentic connections with those we love. Part of what is being lost is the quality in our communication, the inflection, facial expressions and the subtle nuances that cannot be expressed through text, email or tweeting. We are getting bits and pieces but rarely the whole package, a meaningful, uninterrupted conversation or experience.

Teenagers are paying the price at alarming high rates. They lack the maturity, judgment, and perspective to manage the constant barrage of information and social demands placed on them. Their need for acceptance is too great to allow them to unplug and relax. As a result they are experiencing sleep loss, poor attention in the classroom and many describe feeling anxiety and pressure to stay in the loop with peers. It also may be disrupting the development of age appropriate problem solving skills, boundaries, social skills and self confidence. In a recent survey on the Spring Ridge Academy campus students admitted to being too embarrassed to use a phone to call their parents for help in an awkward or dangerous situation, they only felt comfortable texting. They discussed times when they texted someone sitting in the same car rather than speaking to them directly or sitting with a friend while each texted other people. Students also disclosed safety concerns including sending and receiving inappropriate or threatening messages communicating with someone they did not know and texting while driving.

The Lost Art of Parenting blog will explore this issue in a series of posts and offer real solutions for realistically using technology, mobile communication and social networking to actually improve our lives and relationships. Parents will gain perspective on teen and preteen concerns surrounding this issue and how to set structure in order to assist their children to have appropriate boundaries. SRA will be a leader in modeling this structure. This blog will serve as a tool to create effective change, authentic connection and assist families in making the best and most meaningful use of their time.

The first step in managing communication technology and social networking in our families is practicing it ourselves, if we do not practice appropriate use of this technology neither will our kids. Here are ten steps you can take to begin modeling healthy choices.

1. Turn off cell phones and mobile devices during meals.
2. Set shutdown times for phones and computers in the evening to begin winding down before going to bed.
3. Do not text while driving!
4. Keep personal conversations private.
5. Don’t be an extreme multi-tasker. Don’t talk in line at the bank or grocery store, don’t text while talking on the phone.
6. Put your phone or mobile device on vibrate or silent when in settings such as, libraries, schools, performances, meetings, movie theaters, places of worship etc.
7. Follow the rules; turn off your phone, mobile device and/or laptop in hospitals or on airplanes when asked to do so.
8. If expecting an urgent call let the people you are with know in advance and excuse yourself when the call comes in.
9. Don’t fall into the email and text trap. Remember a personal conversation can be the best, most effective and efficient way to communicate.
10. Take advantage of car time with your family. Avoid cell phone conversations when you have the opportunity to talk to the person sitting next to you. Important conversations can happen on the way home from work or school. It is also a time to be aware of how your child or family member is feeling, pick up on the nonverbal cues.

What Functional Families Provide

2009-07-31T09:16:00.000-07:00

What Functional Families Provide

Clear rules that are expected to be followed – The emphasis here is on the word clear. Clear means understood and fully communicated. All too often we do not express rules but instead expect that “everyone knows that”. The facts are that everyone doesn’t know. Do rule-setting while sitting down. Communicate directly and answer questions if the kids have them. This is also a great opportunity to talk about the difference between following the rule and following the spirit of the rule.

Rules that are possible to follow – Be realistic. Expect only what is practical and possible to expect. Setting impossible-to-follow rules is setting up the children for failure and failure is not what we want them to practice.

Rules that the adults follow, too – One of the easiest ways to set rules that are possible to follow is to follow them yourself! It is a very painful experience for a parent is to be called a hypocrite and deserve it. Don’t fall into this trap. Following your own rules and standards has a lasting effect. Our children are the masters of ‘doing what we do and ignoring what we say’.

The family supports the child learning to think for him/herself – All of us have been tempted to ask our children, “If everyone else went over a cliff, would you?” However, how many times have we directly or indirectly shamed our children by criticizing or being sarcastic in response to their thought process? We need to encourage independent thinking to avoid the “lemming response” to alcohol, drugs, sex and abusive relationships as well as the rest of the negative temptations in our culture today.

The family may disagree with the child’s thinking but will always value the child – This is a key concept for the development and maintenance of healthy self-esteem. The idea here is that the child is precious and valuable for themselves, not for what they think or do. Remember, the pre-frontal cortex doesn’t really mature until approximately age 25. Why would we expect the child to make perfect sense to us? We need to not act as though those things we have learned in our 30-45 years are truths known by all. This is information that we, as parents, are obliged to pass on to our children. Trust me, they will listen and be open if they know you value them even if you disagree with them.

The family provides a system for problem-solving – When we say a system we mean that there is a universally understood process (See the first paragraph above) by which differences in opinion or conflicts of another nature will be resolved. This, again, should be an organized, whole-family, sit-down process where everyone gets to express opinions and feelings but the parents make the final decision.

The family reinforces the message that having problems to solve is normal – Finally, help normalize the fact that there will always be human conflict, especially between those who are close and love each other. Make conflict an exercise in respect. Model putting yourself out for the relationship(s) around you. There is no better gift you can give your child!

After Pia Mellody

The Lost Art of Parenting

2009-07-22T10:04:00.000-07:00

The Lost Art of Parenting BLOG was created as a forum for sharing insights, tools and information regarding the practice of proactive parenting.

The purpose of Proactive and Purposeful Parenting as we have defined at Spring Ridge Academy is: To create a safe, trustworthy and nurturing environment that promotes emotional, physical, mental, social and spiritual growth and connection and supports age appropriate developmental stages, individuation and self regulation.

What is a parent’s role when a child enters residential treatment? Does the parent play a passive role waiting for a healed child to be returned to them? Should the parent play the role of negotiator and director of the therapeutic process? At what point is it best to step in and at what point should one let go and trust the guidance of a therapist and/or program? These are some of the questions parents face as they embark on the treatment process with their child. The truth is parents play a pivotal role in treatment of a daughter or son. One of the most significant factors influencing treatment outcome is active and meaningful parental involvement. Parents have the ability to support changes being made by the child and to direct changes made within the family environment. Conversely, a parent can quickly undermine or delay therapeutic progress by enabling the child’s non-working, immature, manipulative behavior. One of the first steps in letting go is allowing a child to experience discomfort and natural consequences without stepping in to “soften the blow” or reduce the pain. This allows the child to not only understand there are consequences in life, but also to learn to tolerate discomfort, to delay gratification and to initiate solving his or her own problems. It is a necessity for the child to begin to self-sooth and problem solve in order to mature. It also requires the parent to cope with their own feelings of guilt and distress when their child is uncomfortable. All parties involved must deal with their own feelings in order to develop a healthy separation and boundaries. So what should a parent do when facing the discomfort of a child away from home and unhappy? Ask for help, get support and take care of yourself first so that you can appropriately attend to the needs of your family. Find a therapist, a parent support group and an Alanon meeting. All of these are wonderful resources to support the healing process. Ask for referrals to support groups and book suggestions from your child’s program. Some programs like SRA have parent support resources via the internet, email or in person. With assistance you can assess the source of the feelings and make balanced decisions regarding your child and his or her treatment. With time the process of letting go becomes less painful and instead will be empowering to everyone involved.