The Lost Art of Parenting

The Lost Art of Parenting BLOG was created as a forum for sharing insights, tools and information regarding the practice of proactive parenting.

The purpose of Proactive and Purposeful Parenting as we have defined at Spring Ridge Academy is: To create a safe, trustworthy and nurturing environment that promotes emotional, physical, mental, social and spiritual growth and connection and supports age appropriate developmental stages, individuation and self regulation.

What is a parent’s role when a child enters residential treatment? Does the parent play a passive role waiting for a healed child to be returned to them? Should the parent play the role of negotiator and director of the therapeutic process? At what point is it best to step in and at what point should one let go and trust the guidance of a therapist and/or program? These are some of the questions parents face as they embark on the treatment process with their child. The truth is parents play a pivotal role in treatment of a daughter or son. One of the most significant factors influencing treatment outcome is active and meaningful parental involvement. Parents have the ability to support changes being made by the child and to direct changes made within the family environment. Conversely, a parent can quickly undermine or delay therapeutic progress by enabling the child’s non-working, immature, manipulative behavior. One of the first steps in letting go is allowing a child to experience discomfort and natural consequences without stepping in to “soften the blow” or reduce the pain. This allows the child to not only understand there are consequences in life, but also to learn to tolerate discomfort, to delay gratification and to initiate solving his or her own problems. It is a necessity for the child to begin to self-sooth and problem solve in order to mature. It also requires the parent to cope with their own feelings of guilt and distress when their child is uncomfortable. All parties involved must deal with their own feelings in order to develop a healthy separation and boundaries. So what should a parent do when facing the discomfort of a child away from home and unhappy? Ask for help, get support and take care of yourself first so that you can appropriately attend to the needs of your family. Find a therapist, a parent support group and an Alanon meeting. All of these are wonderful resources to support the healing process. Ask for referrals to support groups and book suggestions from your child’s program. Some programs like SRA have parent support resources via the internet, email or in person. With assistance you can assess the source of the feelings and make balanced decisions regarding your child and his or her treatment. With time the process of letting go becomes less painful and instead will be empowering to everyone involved.