BLOG-A-THON ON THE 4 EGO STATES AND FIVE CORE ISSUES:

Blog 1:

What does it take to grow up?  As children we all thought about what we wanted to "be" (aka "do") when we grew up, but did any of us have an idea about how this growing up was to happen?  Most of us had no clue.  

Enter Spring Ridge Academy and the work of a woman by the name of Pia Mellody.  Thanks to Pia we now have a two part blueprint and steps we can take to grow up, regardless of our age. 

The first part of this blueprint is the four ego states.  These are founded on the developmental stages theorized by Erik Erickson and are based on the capability of children at the various ages/stages in their development.  Pia took this one step further and developed a way to look backwards at our own path towards maturation.  When we look back through her lens, we see what happened to us, how it impacted us, and where we have developed 'potholes' that have kept us from really and truly growing up. Pia calls these potholes ego states, and she has defined four of them. 

The first is the wounded child, which develops before the age of 6.  This part of us is all about emotions and magical thinking.  We cannot define what we feel, but we express it through laughter, tears, tantrums, and physical means.  We take on the emotional state of those around us and cannot differentiate our feelings from theirs. We interpret events through child-like eyes and child-like mind, and that interpretation may not be accurate.  A perfect example of this is my daughter's memory of falling in a boat slip when she was 2.  Her grandfather saw her go in and pulled her out, but to this day, her memory is that he pushed her in.  She now knows that that child reality is not accurate, but that child memory remains intact.  We are so interesting—aren't we?

The second ego state develops between ages 6 and 9 or10.  It is the first adapted adult/wounded child ego state.  As we begin to have more cognitive ability, we seek ways we can change in order to make the adults entrusted with our care feel or act better.  So, we may have shifted from being the center of the universe, but our task is daunting - figuring out how to be different so others will change.

The third ego state develops from between ages 11 and 17.  It is the final adapted adult/wounded child ego state, and the one that I most fondly refer to as my "13 year old bitch".  At this point, we have tried to change ourselves to make others act and feel better, but they just have not cooperated.  They aren't better, we aren't better, and we have had enough.  This is when we go out into behaviors simply to make us feel better: sex, drugs, and rock ‘n’ roll is a common theme, but it can also be expressed through isolation, cutting, or depression.

So far this is sounding pretty bleak...Thank goodness there is another option!

That option is to grow up by developing and practicing acting from what Pia calls a functional ego state.  This is an age-appropriate ego state that continues to mature, grow, learn, and live life in a way that is accountable, empowered, and responsible.  This is that sweet spot where life gets, well not easy, but more simple.  We may have the younger parts of ourselves surface from time to time, but we recognize their voices, and we no longer get swept away by their emotional tides and left adrift in a sea of negative feelings and bad choices.  A functional ego state is all about choice.

And choice is all about the five core issues.