Why Co-Parenting Matters
(from a professional perspective)
Effective co-parenting is the art of not only
sharing equal responsibility in the raising of your child but also maintaining
consistency and structure in the approach of parenting. Co-parenting includes
any two or more individuals who are responsible for raising a child. This
includes married, cohabitating, separated or divorced couples; grandparents;
family members; or any other adults raising a child.
Communication is
essential. It is essential for co-parents to develop routines and rules that
remain consistent, whether or not you live in the same home with your
co-parent. Keep in mind, though, that this does not mean that each of you must
parent exactly the same way. On the contrary, it's important for you to develop
your own parenting style while also working toward an appropriate level of
consistency for your children.
We recommend that you
develop a parenting plan and review it regularly. This plan may include how to
handle specific challenges with your child, rewards and consequences, financial
requests, academic expectations, curfew, technology use, and household rules.
Maintaining consistency within the dynamic of your co-parenting will reinforce
to your daughter that parents are a united front and result in more harmony
within the family. When a child receives the message that her parents are
united, consistent, structured, and working in her best interest, she is less
likely to defy one and adhere to the other, manipulate, or split. She feels a
sense of security and reduced anxiety. She trusts her parents and learns that
she can rely on them. She gains a sense of responsibility because she knows
what is expected of her. She is less likely to push boundaries.
Why Co-Parenting Matters
(from a student's
perspective)
As an adolescent
living under the care of parents who are divorced or together, it is important
to be consistent in co-parenting, working together, and staying on the same
page.
In the case of
divorced parents or separated parents, having the same set of rules and
structure in both homes is important in setting your daughter up for success.
In a household where the parents are together it is equally as important to
have consistency with parents setting the same parameters, structures, and
rules. Inconsistency in rules, structure, and expectations in the household or
households can leave room for chaos and confusion. Consistency leaves no room
for "parent shopping" or in other words going from one parent to the
other to get the answer the daughter wants. Not being able to parent shop in my
family system has kept me consistent in following the rules and expectations
and has allowed me to respect rules and learn their importance.
Another key point in
co-parenting is keeping a clear line between parent and friend. An important
part in making this line clear is not sharing personal struggles with your
daughter. A few examples of personal matters that should be kept personal are
troubles with your spouse, stress around money, and problems at work. This has
been key for my family because I have not had to worry about my parents’
struggles. This helps me remember that my parents are parents and an authority
figure. This helps me to be more willing to respect their rules and guidelines.
When being not holding good boundaries about what is and is not okay to share
with your daughter, the parent and friend line is blurred, and it is harder to
see a parent as an authority figure.
Co-parenting makes
re-entering home life much easier and attainable. It has set me up to do well
on my visits and helped me respect the guidelines I am expected to follow.
Although co-parenting has helped me and is important at times it isn't always
my favorite thing. Sometimes when I do not want to follow the rules or
guidelines I want to "parent shop," but I don't have the option. It
isn't always fun, but it is effective and I appreciate it in the long run.
More contributions from our students and staff on this topic will be added shortly.
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