Puppies and Parenting

For the first time in nine years, I have adopted a new puppy. Once I knew the date of arrival, I immediately jumped into reading books and watching DVDs on how to raise a puppy the “right” way. It all seemed so easy in the research phase.

The day arrived and I became the proud owner of an adorable nine-week-old puppy. As we began our training, I noticed how working with a puppy was really an adventure in proactive parenting. The puppy needed to become a productive, socialized and happy dog, very parallel to the environment and guidance a child needs to become an actualized adult.

From the beginning I realized that I would have to change my life. Tess, my new puppy, required a structure that supported her age-appropriate abilities and developmental requirements. She looked to me to teach her safety, boundaries, socially appropriate behavior, and how to delay gratification.

What quickly evolved was a correlation between when Tess made mistakes (chewing all of the cords on the back of my computer) and when I was distracted. Unfortunately many well-meaning people would not follow my instructions to assist Tess in learning self-regulation. Their need to hold this adorable puppy became more important than setting limits by stopping her from biting or by asking her to sit before being petted.

Included in my research were fascinating experiences and information from Cesar Millan, the Dog Whisperer. I remember one of Cesar Millan’s most poignant episodes when a dog was removed from its home and placed in Cesar’s facility. Cesar diligently and successfully stopped the dog from attacking other dogs. Interestingly, each time the owner came to visit, the dog again began to attack. Cesar was willing to swap one of his dogs for hers. The owner realized the importance of the change she needed to make and the dog was returned to her home.

At Spring Ridge Academy, we teach parents the importance of structure, consistency, respect, and boundaries in the home environment. Parents are taught the stages of development and how to achieve effective long-term parenting, open lines of communication, and family connection. We find that adolescents who have mastered these stages are better able to exhibit self-regulation, self-trust, delayed gratification, interdependent relationships, and success in the “real world.”

The transfer from a recovery environment back into the home or other transitional environment is similar to my puppy’s move from breeder to my home. The transitional environment needs to have established structure, nurture, boundaries, patience, understanding and information necessary to support a successful outcome. Not a day goes by that a dog is either let go or put into the Humane Society because someone expected the dog to know how to redirect his own unmanageable behaviors. Structure and boundaries save dogs and kids.

Two months later Tess has doubled in size and I have a dog that is learning to adjust to our home life and to socialize well with humans and dogs. We all had to change: Tess, Dudley (my 9-year old dog), and most importantly, me.

Jeannie Courtney

Challenge Workshop

Over 30 students either attended or staffed the Challenge workshop at the beginning of August. Challenge provides the opportunity to uncover and challenge self-limiting and self-defeating beliefs, attitudes, feelings and behaviors and begin to replace these patterns with proactive choices. Over the next week we are posting some of the comments made by our students after completing Challenge.

SRA Reporter

The following contributions are from the experiences of students and staffers that attended Challenge.

I learned a lot from connecting again with my magical child. I really felt more in touch with myself when I looked into her eyes and accepted what a precious, innocent and compassionate person I am at heart. Affirming myself in that moment brightened my spirits. I learned that whenever I’m struggling or having a pretty low energy day, getting in touch with my magical child is an amazing tool to turn around any day. Looking back, I’m realizing and even feeling how safe and comfortable and at peace I felt being with my magical child. I was there for part of the staffing and I got a lot out of the magical child activity.

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The most important thing that I learned while staffing was that getting help doesn’t mean that I am incapable; it simply means that I am comfortable enough with myself to ask for assistance.

I also realized that affection and connection is different than trust. I have been implementing boundaries in each aspect but aspect, but they mean different things to me.

When searching for my magical child this time, I actually had a deeper connection with her than the previous time around.

Hearing the dot feedback was so meaningful to me. I knew that I had made great steps, but what I hadn’t realized was how great of a positive impact (“giving impact”) on this community. I have greatly changed since Challenge and this has not only greatly assisted me inside, but outside this staffing training as well. I also acknowledge the amount of insight, care and honesty I brought into this training.

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In Challenge, I learned that even though on the outside I look fine, I’m hurting on the inside. I learned that it is okay to show my feelings and I’m not judged when I cry. I learned that I still have that child I once was in me and can bring her back whenever I need to. I learned that I shut myself out from people because I’m worried about being judged. The most difficult thing for me is to hear all this feedback and not know where to begin.

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I got a lot out of this training. I learned so much about myself, especially my enmeshment and how my self-limiting beliefs affect the way I think about myself. I also learned that there are many people that give feedback from a caring place. I also learned that I have more work and more practice to do and that I need to keep learning how to love and trust myself.

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As a Staffer, I learned that there is still a lot of control that I have to let go of. I have realized that when a girl has a troublesome past, I feel the need to jump in a rescue her. I have also learned that I care so much about people, and people really do care about me. I was told that I’m the definition of a “true friend” and that I have had an impact on her life. I learned that I can be a good leader. I’ve also realized how much I’ve changed while being at SRA.

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I learned so many things about myself in Challenge. Challenge was well put together and beautifully done. I thought it was well prepared and inspirational.

I came to the realization that I rightly deserve to be forgiven – by myself. I deserve to have the shame lifted off of me and the blame I place on myself o dissolve completely. I am worthy. I am deserving.

I also got an overwhelming feeling of love for myself. Now I know what it truly feels like to love myself and truly mean it. It was uplifting, cleansing and gave me hope.

I connected with my authentic self/magical child. I felt the warmth of really revisiting what it’s like to be my true self. I can now identify myself with the little girl I used to be and embrace the feeling of a clean slate. I feel pure again.

I learned that I have a choice. I have a choice t be happy, sad, angry, frustrated…. EVERYTHING is my choice.

I shouldn’t worry about how others see me. I am incredible without anyone telling me so. I don’t need anyone’s validation. I can supply that to myself. Giving myself affirmations will do a lot for me.

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I learned to re-love myself.

I learned to forgive myself.

I learned that I sabotage myself so that I have a reason for people leaving me and my life being miserable.  It gives me “control” of the situation, I thought.  It almost comforts me because I know when things will end or people will leave me.

I learned to stop taking the things that Vincent did to me personally, because he does it to all of his girlfriends. If I want him out of my life completely than I cannot allow what he has done to me to control my thoughts and feelings.

I learned that I am NOT fat AT ALL.

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What I learned from Challenge is that a lot of people have masks.

I am able to have good emotional connections with the girls here.

It is possible to rebound from bad situations.

Trust isn’t about liking someone.

Going outside of your nine dots helps you take risks.

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I self sabotage. I’m so afraid of the future and change (even if it’s a good change) that I resort back to old patterns so that the change does not happen.

I run away from things because I like to take the easy way out and am so afraid to face problems that come up or that I create, I immediately run to try and protect myself.

I have a powerful voice. People want to listen to me when I have something positive and insightful to say, because they trust my word.

I am an amazing leader.  I can lead great discussions that have meaning.  I set a good example, and I set the path for people to choose to be open, honest and themselves.

I am worth it and I am capable.  I can do great things in my life when I actually put my mind in a positive thinking mode.  I am worth it to stay in treatment and have people support me the whole way through.

I truly want to be sober.  Doing drugs and drinking can lead to life of sadness, guilt, pain, regret, anger, etc.  I want to live a life where I’m not held down by the limitations of my addictions.  I want to have meaningful relationships that are not based on drugs or alcohol.

I am strong.  Even when I thought I had hit rock bottom at SRA, a part of me (my functional) kept me going and didn’t let myself give it all up because I refuse to let something get me down.  Well, it did get me down, but I didn’t totally run away and give in to my old self.
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Challenge was one of the most powerful, inspirational and liberating workshops I’ve ever gotten to be a part of.  For almost three years I thought all of my negative feelings and resentments were gone and that my “grungies” were just a common, healthy way of expressing my emotions.  I was so wrong.

Challenge opened my eyes to realizing how much anger, hurt and fear I still had toward my family.  Bringing all those emotions up again made me cry so hard that I couldn’t recall the last time I cried like that.  And for once, I was okay with it.  It didn’t make me feel weak.  I knew I wasn’t pathetic.  I just felt great.

The crying was like a little drain that washed away so much of the shame and guilt I carried around with me.  It also made me understand that I was looking for approval and confirmation of who I was.  I didn’t need anyone’s opinion to tell me what kind of person I am.  My magical child told me.  It reminded me that a sweet, care free ad innocent girl was still there.  It brought back all the love, happiness and compassion I felt in my younger years.  Challenge was almost like a refreshing of me.  I needed to throw away all my anger, hurt and resentment to learn to forgive others, but especially myself. 

I learned how to come out of my nine dots and challenge any of my self limiting beliefs that were holding me back.  The entire program was such a learning experience about life, but also about myself.  I never understood my thinking behind many of the choices I made until this training.  It helped me forgive myself in the sense that all the decisions I chose to make were normal.  Challenge really began to expose myself and others to the other 90% of my iceberg.  I realized my “mask” wasn’t fooling anyone else but me.  I finally feel like I can begin to express my genuine emotions without feeling like I am being judged.  The program made me feel really close with my other trainees and that I could finally just show everything I was feeling.  It was truly genuine.

I can’t begin to thank everyone who was a part of Challenge enough.  It really helped me put things into perspective and I realized how much love for myself and others I still have inside me.  If I could go through the program every day I would.  Thank you for everything.

My Spring Ridge Academy Experience

Disrespect, parties, promiscuity, lies and defiance is what my life consisted of for a year and a half until March 3rd, 2009. Some people ask why and my response is always the same. Underneath my tough girl front, I felt lonely, fear, rage and worthlessness and unfortunately I made the decision to avoid dealing with my pain instead of asking for help. Then, I was given the blessing to change my whole life around in a place where I felt safe, supported and understood. I was thirteen when my parents placed me in a therapeutic boarding school called Spring Ridge Academy in Spring Valley, Arizona. Because of SRA I have learned more about myself than ever before, so despite my struggles, it was a risk I do not regret.

My first few months at Spring Ridge Academy, I was less then cooperative, respectful and motivated. At first, I would not even admit I had a problem. I was stubborn and I cringed at the thought of someone else being “right”. I was convinced I could do things “my way”. When I finally swallowed my pride and quietly accepted that I needed help I still did not understand the seriousness of my lifestyle. I knew that I wanted to be happy again, and at the same time, I was gravely mistaken as to how much work turning your life around actually is. It wasn’t until October of 2009 I sincerely made the decision to change. The second week of October my parents came to see me from California. Because of the stage I was in in the program I was able to spend a weekend off campus with them, which based on results, I was not ready to do. I ended up running away and setting back my progress even further. It is by far, one of the scariest things I have ever experienced. I had no idea where I was, I was afraid of the setting sun and the cold weather, and most importantly I felt, and was more alone than I had ever been before. I had hit rock bottom.

The real beginning of my recovery was also less than pleasant. I was learning the hard way that facing your demons is painful, time consuming and sometimes embarrassing. But, one of the things that kept going when I was sure I was going to give up is a short quote. I would repeat the words over and over in my head, amazed by its simplicity. It goes like this “When you’re going through hell, keep going. Giving up is not going to make hell any more enjoyable.” It was helpful because it gave me two options, neither were ideal, but at least one would save my life.
Gradually I became more confident, happy and accepting. I developed confidence in my looks, personality and beliefs which led to me to feel actual happiness, not just short term satisfaction. I had started accepting who I was. Finally I wasn’t trying to be anyone or anything else because I knew that I was okay just the way I was. I say “started accepting” for two reasons. The first is because I have my off days. I don’t feel confident and self-assured every day and I do not always make that best decisions. The second reason is because my life is not over! I have much more to learn and create for myself and chances are I will need to accept that too.

Hopefully, a therapeutic boarding school won’t need to be in everyone’s paths but it has been in mine and I am proud of it. Spring Ridge Academy was my home for twenty long months and it taught me to be able to embrace the destructive choices I’ve made and learn from them. Now I understand I do not need to be ashamed of the past nor stay stuck in the past and I can thank SRA and my parents for that. Regardless of the struggles and pain I had to face there I would not have done it any other way.

I wrote this essay in my career life class because we had to do an example of college essay that you write to get in. I got an A! I think it is pretty good myself.

New Parent Letter

August 10, 2011

Dear SRA Parents,

We have just begun our fall semester at SRA. Over the last few months we have been reviewing and revising our program to better serve our students and families. In essence we have looked at what is working and what could be working better.

We have revised our phase guidelines and requirements to enhance our strong focus on the mastery of skill development in the following areas: emotional self-regulation, academic excellence, interpersonal relationships, physical wellness and family interface. Monthly updates will be in the phase sheet format.

Each phase has a clear purpose and delineated skills that develop from introduction to consistency to mastery. Our new phase sheets are posted on the Spring Ridge Academy website in Downloadable Documents as Phase Guidelines. Please take the time to acquaint yourself with these skills and requirements. It is important that you have a thorough knowledge of what is expected since you are a key component in your daughter integrating these skills into her life, family life and the community at large.

We are implementing the following changes:

Phase I / Orientation

Phase I is a four-week orientation and introduction. The purpose of orientation is to have students understand Spring Ridge Academy structure and philosophy, to develop emotional, physical, academic and interpersonal skills, and to assess the student and create a plan of action.
New elements to Orientation Phase:

1. Orientation Group held 5 – 6 times a week with a Community Life Director to assist in skill development and program structure
2. Meeting with Academic Advisor to insure any IEP and/or learning differences are being integrated.
3. Building relationships with all areas of SRA community.
4. Revision to our school uniform policy to eliminate phases by color.
6. More opportunities for off campus activities and service.
7. At the completion of the four-week phase, the small treatment team will determine the skill group placement, the academic strategy for Phase II, the suggestions for family interface and visits, and the therapeutic treatment plan.

Phase II / Consistency

The purpose of Phase II is to experience self-acceptance, trust, growth of self-regulation and delayed gratification, development of problem solving skills, and consistency in creating self-enhancing beliefs, emotions, and behaviors.

Phase III / Integration

The purpose of Phase III is to create consistency in skill development, to effectively integrate the skills practiced at Spring Ridge Academy into the home environment, and to enhance communication and connection in the family.

Students on Phase III may now dress in their own clothes in compliance with dress code or wear their uniform. We want our Phase III students to learn to practice appropriate dress in a variety of situations.

Phase IV / Transition

The purpose of Phase IV is to create mastery in skill development both on campus and at home and to create and implement a transition plan for the home environment and/or transition community.

Other changes at Spring Ridge Academy include:

1. We have revised family visit guidelines and assignments sheet. These documents may be viewed on our website. Your treatment team will acquaint you with the family phase expectations for visits including creating structure, ground rules, assignments, and resources for each family to support student specific treatment plans.

2. Our small treatment teams have expanded to include our Community Mentors. Treatment teams include a therapist, two academic advisors, a Community Life Director, and assigned Community Mentors. We are excited to incorporate Community Mentors into our treatment teams. All of our Community Mentor schedules have been adjusted to provide more time to exchange information, interact with students and attend treatment team meetings.

3. Spring Ridge Academy therapists will begin using EMDR, eye movement desensitization and reprocessing, with appropriate students and parental consent. This methodology is highly regarded in the treatment of trauma and is a wonderful tool fitting in with the general philosophy of Spring Ridge Academy.

4. At times our students complete their high school requirements prior to completion of the SRA therapeutic component. These students continue their academic path by addressing academic areas of need, holding leadership roles in classes, and taking collegiate level correspondence course work. Additionally, these students will participate in more off-campus service work, immersive off-campus activities to enhance age specific skills and experiences, and thorough transition skills.

5. Academic breaks will be a combination of family time and emotional growth / therapeutic activities. Our large academic breaks will be broken into visit specific family time and on-campus emotional growth activities. For example, four academic break days may be designated for a student workshop while the other days will be designated as phase-specific family time. Phase IV students will continue to spend the duration of breaks off campus.

One of the changes we have not made at SRA is our nutritional guidelines. Each year we meet with our dietitian and she reviews our menus and recipes and makes suggestions for improvement in nutritional balance and portions. This year we once again received excellent marks in these areas. Her only suggestion was consistency in portion control.

If you have any questions about these program adjustments, please contact a member of your treatment team, the Parent Liaison Suzie Courtney, or Jeannie Courtney.

Warm regards,


Jeannie Courtney and the SRA staff

A Great Day!

Friday, July 29 was a great day at Spring Ridge Academy! It was graduation day. As the students walk in the room with their cap and gowns, and their parents watch with pride - it is like any other high school on graduation day. What is hard to believe, is many of these girls and their families never thought this day would happen. When they came to SRA, it was their last hope. The ceremony continued with speeches from the students and family members. As tears flowed, many people spoke of gratitude for SRA staff, as well as, for their own family members for their continuous support. Students and family members spoke about the hard work they did to restore their family system; and they talked about continuing the journey. One student spoke about the love she has for her peers and recognizing that she will never have friendships like the ones she developed at SRA; and her appreciation for sharing this experience together.

The room was filled with love and support. Not only were family members, friends, students in the audience, but former students and former employees returned to SRA on a hot, Friday morning to share in the special day. When students arrive at SRA they become part of family; and when they leave the campus the family stays with them. After lunch, it was time to say good-bye to the SRA campus. Students hugging their peers with tears rolling down their faces say good-bye for now. But, they will always have a place in the Spring Ridge Academy family.